The Note

Dear You,

I have decided to be selfish. My selfishness is in no way meant to hurt you, even if in the end it still does. My selfishness is strictly me, choosing myself, and for that I apologize. I am sorry that I am leaving you behind. Death has outweighed life on my scale, and our time together will be ending. My love for you will outlast my life, and because of that I will never die blue. When you come home from work, I shall be lifeless. Marvin Gaye’s “If I Should Die Tonight”, will be on repeat. I will let my favorite scent mask the house from Bath and Body Works. You know, the one that smells like hot chocolate, because it reminds me of the cooler weather I enjoy so much.

I will make sure I keep it clean. I know you hate blood, so the way I go won't include any of that. I’ll post directions and notes around the house to help you out. I noticed you never know which colors to mix in the washing machine, so I’ll leave a list taped to the laundry room wall. Never mix red and white, I hope you remember what happened last time. I’ll leave cooking recipes because I know you like the way I season things. You also need to eat balanced so I will have instructions with a few meals already set in the fridge. My life insurance is raised, my funeral plans printed, my will is set in stone. I mixed you a couple of playlists, like we used to do in high school. I left a recommendation of books and movies.

The checkbooks are balanced, the taxes taken care of, and I paid ahead on rent and bills.

I pray you learn to love again. Your love for me was the most precious thing this life offered, and I think it should be shared with another. You’re still young. Have kids, travel more, try new things. Stop being a picky eater, there are so many delectable foods other than your burgers, with cheese and ketchup only, and fries. I don’t want you to be sad. The reason I’ve lived this long was because of you. Please live, and live for me. It sounds selfish that I desire to die and ask you to do the opposite. But, all I ask is that you have a fulfilling long life, and remember me with the bright smile you always put on my face.

Smile,

because I lived and I loved you.

Farewell, my love.